Had the Dick?
Chinese food as served up in the western hemisphere is just never as eclectic as this. One wonders........does eating this stuff equate to beastiality?
In the progenitor's honour.
Bizarre Archives
October 23, 2006
October 28, 2006
Germany's Abu Ghraib
The images might not be as shocking as the infamous Abu Ghraib photographs showing US troops abusing Iraqi prisoners, but they have sparked widespread revulsion,
BBC NEWS | Europe | German army acts over skull row.
I read this article and found myself wondering just how much NATO has to do in Afghanistan if it’s so damnably concerned about a couple of it’s troops fucking around with a skull. The bloody place must be littered with human remains given the carnage of the last twenty years. So a couple of guys found a few skulls and played black humour games with them. Big fucking deal!
Disturbing the peace of the dead! PFFTT! If the dead in question had really been at peace, surely their remains wouldn’t have been accessible to these German soldiers?
November 7, 2006
Australians all, Let us rejoice
Who owns the national anthem? And is it unpatriotic to play it in a context in which it could be ridiculed?
Thankfully, we don’t have national anthem-playing dunnys in this country. Or perhaps we do and don’t give a shit about the noises they make. Maybe we don’t care about getting panned if our water closet plays Advance Australia. If you really think about it, this article puts a whole new slant on the terminology, ‘girt by sea’.
Hey, sue me! I don’t get these flashes of comedic brilliance very often.
November 17, 2006
If I had done it............
“This is an historic case, and I consider this his confession,”
So says the publisher of O.J.Simpson’s tell all supposed confession. His“if-I-did-it-this-is-how-I’d-have-done-it” story about the sensationalist murder trial of the mid `90’s is about to be released, to the collective chagrin and disgust of the families of Nicole Brown-Simpson and her friend, Ronald Goldman. O.J.Simpson was acquitted of murder in the long-running Hollywood-production-like trial due to the circumstantial nature of much of the evidence presented, and the science of DNA typing being in its infancy. Undoubtedly, had he been subject to scientific trial today, he’d be facing life behind bars at the very least.
That said, the families of the victims, who took out and won a civil suit against Simpson for financial damages caused by their family member’s deaths, to the extent of US$33m. Simpson hasn’t paid a cent, as his NFL pension and home cannot, under US law, be forfeit in payment. What happens to the US$3.5m he’ll net from this book and accompanying television extravaganza being bankrolled by Rupert Murdoch’s Fox Network, will doubtless be the subject of ongoing legal contests.
This truly bizarre set of circumstances virtually allowing Simpson to profit from what is reputedly to amount to a confession, stems from American constitutional law which forbids the re-trial of anyone previously acquitted of the same crime. Double jeopardy. We have the same, or similar laws here in Australia, which are constantly under challenge from those who would see the legal sanctum abolished. The Simpson case, however, is really out there, with the immediately subsequent civil trial by jury finding Simpson responsible for the deaths, but unable to impact on the criminal acquittal.
So, now Simpson gets to tell all and profit from the exercise. Nino Carlotta said it all, but not in relation to the American culture. They truly are a weird mob.
December 1, 2006
Who's A Disgrace?
The nationally televised and supposedly impromptu performance by News Corporation journalist, Glenn Milne, at last nights Walkley Awards, was perhaps the funniest public display of drunkenness by a luminary your Bannerman has seen for many a year. In fact, I would put it right up there with Sir John Kerr’s Melbourne Cup Day blur and Michael Cole’s 1973 Logie Award performance.
Mr Milne, it seems, is not above making attacks on persons of any public stature, from the lowly to the grand, on the grounds of his perception of their pompousness. Stephen Mayne ought to feel priviledged to have been shoved off the stage by Milne. No doubt he does. Mayne’s rejoinders afterwards showed he clearly enjoyed the exchange from a variety of angles. One wonders today what Milne is doing, other than laying low and nursing a hangover. Perhaps he’s writing a resignation letter?
December 15, 2006
Local Member Returns Serve
Bannerman works from home. It’s a tough life, but someone has to do it, and Bannerman figures it might as well be him that adroitly avoids the peak hour crush; the over-powering scents of perfume & after-shave in the morning; perfume mixed with body odour and beer-breath in the afternoons; the ant colony-like streams of people into & out of train stations or the inanities of evening radio chat shows on the freeway.
January 2, 2007
Confirmed Embarrassment
Mr Howard picked up the Most Embarrassing Australian gong with 33 per cent of the vote but had to deal with something he hasn't faced in a decade - tough opposition.
Bannerman has never considered any FHM poll to be conclusive. However, he is quite certain of the quality of the thought processes and opinions employed in this particular poll. What a hoot, eh? John Winston Howard confirmed as Australia’s Most Embarrassing Person. Oh, the irony.
January 4, 2007
What Odds On This One?
This is a real hoot! Pat Robertson, probably through his direct link with the all-knowing and all-seeing supernatural deity he worships, has claimed a prophesy.
"I'm not saying necessarily nuclear, the Lord didn't say nuclear. It'll be mass killing, possibly millions of people, major cities. The evil people will come after this country and there's a possibility, not a possibility, a definite certainty, that chaos is going to rule,"
Hmmmm……..Bannerman doubts this prophecy has any validity. After all……there’s no mention of fire, brimstone or wailing, keening and a gnashing of teeth. Just chaos and a few million deaths. No, from what Bannerman knows of Robertson’s God, he always includes at least the wailing & gnashing of teeth.
Bannerman calls Robertson out as a fraud on this one.
January 7, 2007
A Swinger She's Not, Shane M'boy
Shane and Simone separated in mid-2005, but the leg spinner has expressed his desire for reconciliation, describing her as his "rock."
January 12, 2007
Time To Go.........Sheik Hilaly!
"The Western people are the biggest liars and oppressors and especially the English race," the Mufti of Australia said in Arabic during the extensive interview in Eqypt, his birthplace. "The Anglo-Saxons who arrived in Australia arrived in shackles. We paid for passports from our own pockets. We have a right in Australia more than they have."
Bannerman gave this dill the benefit of the doubt over his ‘plates of meat’ gaff. Statements like that above are quite simply the ravings of an ill-informed, arrogant, religious elitist who garners a dangerous following with his idiotic statements. There can be no claims of being taken out of context this time around, given the Imam was speaking in Arabic, to an Arabic speaking audience, in an Arabic speaking country. In fact, his country of birth. No, Bannerman believes the Sheik knew precisely what he was saying, despite the ludicrous nature of the statements.
This man cannot be permitted by his community to continue to inflame perceived cultural differences between his muslim community and the rest of Australia. If Muslims wish to be considered as Australians, wish to be considered as a part of Australia, it’s culture and its people, then this moronic religious nutbag must be disavowed and cast off as representative of the Islamic community. He is not worthy of that community, and most definitely is not acceptable as an Aussie.
January 17, 2007
Silly Lad
A man has been caught using a tiny camera in his shoe to peer up the skirts of female public transport users in Melbourne.
Experience has proven to the Bannerman that one merely needs to invest a little time and silver tongue to achieve much better results than this lad would have done. Women just love being told they’re good looking, and are only too willing to prove it when a camera comes out into the open. Shove one up their skirts and this is what you’ll get.
The cost of creating a shoe-cam recorder alone must have been prohibitive. Now it’s in the hands of the coppers. A waste of time, effort and money in B-man’s books.
February 1, 2007
Sunlight Soap Makes Men!
"This report raises an issue of concern, since lavender oil and tea tree oil are sold over the counter in their 'pure' form and are present in an increasing number of commercial products, including shampoos, hair gels, soaps and body lotions,"
Thankfully, Bannerman’s Mum only ever used Sunlight Soap on her boys.
February 3, 2007
Rapped?
In a strangely disturbing way, Bannerman finds himself in agreement with ‘The Man’. Bannerman wonders if this rather worrisome collusion of opinions will eventually carry across to musical styles? Unlikely, but it is of concern, none the less.
February 6, 2007
Coffee with cream....and a twist
The latest from the competitive world of coffee. This time, from the land of Starbucks, no less. Known colloquially as Sex-presso, the baristas are all female, all dressed to impress and all into playing their role to the hilt. As the linked article notes from one male customer,
"If I'm going to pay $4 for a cup of coffee I'm not going to get served by a guy."
It’s something we’ve come to expect from the home of the supposedly free and land of the free market exploiter. Sex sells. A truth as permanently installed into life’s assurances as death and taxes. As Bannerman heard the story described this morning on Newsradio, being America, the coffee will still be substandard, but if the service is attractive, no-one will really mind.
Let's see if Dave is correct
Bannerman is a sucker for a quiz, meme, inquiry or other brand of comparo advertised on the ‘net meant to define the contestant as being one or the other type of bigot. This one, promoted by Antony Loewenstein, makes especially amusing participation. More so, if you’re a non-American.
February 9, 2007
Hubristic Plans of Mice and Men
Alas, Little Johnny Howler’s tactic of attempting to play statesman while employing yet another wedge on the Labor states and territories seems to have come a cropper.
February 10, 2007
Bransons Cunning Stunt
Reported firstly in New Scientist, this grand attempt by Richard Branson to save the planet for all humanity leaves Bannerman just a little non-plussed.
February 13, 2007
It's a Free World....When America Makes the Rules
"Only when we get through the next six, 12 months or whatever period of time it takes will we be in a position to make any reasonable and responsible judgement about whether the United States, Britain or anyone else is in a position to withdraw,"
PM standing up for Australia
Continue reading "It's a Free World....When America Makes the Rules" »
February 15, 2007
Didgeridoo, Your Mateship!
In yet another first for the Hyperidian Bannerman, promotion of an American comedy show.
Stephen Colbert’s Daily Show, making some rather pointed comments about our own glorious leader.
Deadlines and Dodos
"We don’t agree that the deadline, so-called, has been ignored," - Helen Coonan
ABC News Online
Doubtless, Helen Coonan doesn’t believe the deadline Howard supposedly gave to the Yanks re: David Hicks has been ignored, just as she doesn’t believe Telstra is shafting rural Australia or that people really don’t want digital television.
February 19, 2007
'Our' Water
"We would take our share for Queensland so there would be a benefit for us, but this would create a healthy Murray-Darling," - Chairman Beattie
'Water war' fears over resurrected Bradfield scheme. 19/02/2007. ABC News Online.
The Bradfield Plan has had two resurrections since being canned in 1933. Once in 1947 and again in the 1981. The reason it hasn’t been actioned to date is one of cost -v– benefit.
March 10, 2007
Sometimes One Wonders
Osama bin Laden, if he’s alive, celebrated his 50th birthday on Saturday
Well ..... as Bannerman would say.....’Bugger me!’ So, the man who dragged the world kicking and screaming into the realisation that poverty, discontent and religious fanaticism is a volatile mix, just happens to be the very same age as Bannerman. Well, not exactly the same. The ageing Bannerman doesn’t surrender his fifth decade until much later this year and that surrender will be something momentous, to be sure. There will be a commiseration the following day of a type Osama has more than likely never experienced. Kind of makes one wonder, doesn’t it, reader? Is being an Islamic fundamentalist who sleeps rough in the back blocks of Pakistan, never touches alcohol (supposedly), better off than a beer-loving atheist who constantly over-indulges while spending his free time circle-jerking a mob of wankers on the internet and wondering why life is such a crock 98.7% of the time?
Maybe David Hicks had something way back in 2000.
April 13, 2007
Knee-Slapper
You're a joke, PM tells sheik - National - smh.com.au
"Well, I'm tempted to say we should start treating the man as a joke and in relation to his comments about me, well I've been insulted by experts so I'm rather untroubled by them," Mr Howard said.
Aussie Cadbury Better Value
Spotted this on Vox
April 15, 2007
What's It All About?
and now for something completely different....
April 17, 2007
No change in the Land of the Free
32 killed in America's worst campus shootingTHIRTY-two people have been killed at a Virginia university in the bloodiest school shooting massacre in US history.
Up to this point in time, that is.
April 27, 2007
Bizarre
If you thought you lived a sheltered lifestyle, think again.
April 29, 2007
Ripped Off!
Actor James Doohan, who played the starship Enterprise’s chief engineer Scotty on Star Trek, finally made it to space on Saturday (local time) as a rocket with some of his ashes was launched in New Mexico.
When I first read this headline, I felt quite touched. James Doohan, alias ’Scotty’ or Leiutenant-Commander Montgomery Scott late of the United Federation of Planets starship U.S.S. Enterprise, registry NCC 1701-A, had at last reached the stars.
But if you read on, the flight was barely sub-orbital, reaching just 115 klicks before falling back to Earth, the containers with the deceased’s ashes parachuting to the surface, to be mounted on some glitzy plaque by the flight’s organisers for the benefit of the rellies. Well pardon me, but BIG FUCKIN’ DEAL! If Jimmy Doohan could have anything to say about the experience, I dare say he’d snort and claim he’d been gypped. Space be buggered! 115 klicks is barely non-atmospheric, let alone sub-orbital.
This is yet another example of capitalistic American business entrepreneurialism making a killing from the gullible. If you’re going to send a loved-one’s remains into space, or more to the point, if said loved-one WANTS their ashes sent into space, it has to be a one-way trip. Ashes, in rocket, light fuse, wave bye-bye and rocket leaves the Earth’s gravitational pull to sail onward forever and ever, amen. Not a brief trip akin to a reversed bungy jump.
If a launch into the upper stratosphere is the best I could ever hope for, being a trekker and all, I’d rather my genetic successors took my remains out to luggage point, dumped ’em and then spent an equivalent sum of money to the ’space flight’ on getting absolutely plastered in the old fart’s memory. I dare say Stephen Hawking went further and faster earlier this week. What a rort!!
May 12, 2007
$21/week.....A Bargain!
spotted this on Flickr. A seemingly strange place to have a rant against the government of the day. Yes, the Australian government. On a predominately American photosite.
Filing this one under 'Bizarre'. Apt, but Bizarre.
Filing this one under 'Bizarre'. Apt, but Bizarre.
May 14, 2007
Making something from nothing
At last!! My very own piece of virtuality.
F3 5F 8E 45 F8 E1 F8 45 D1 A6 A1 3F CE 75 4C 31
Yes indeedy, a pseudorandom 128 bit integer expressed as a hexadecimal and it’s MINE, ALL MINE!!! No matter how many times you try, you’ll never duplicate my piece of nothing.
May 16, 2007
A Corrupt Second Life
Ben Haslem notes a Crikey article on the dark side of cyber-capitalism.
Anecdotal Arsewipe
I’m never surprised at the stupidity of the so-called elite classes.
May 18, 2007
Don't be a strag
Do you know where your towel is? Better get it together in time for next Friday. Celebrate the life and wit of Douglas Adams by ensuring you take your towel with you, Friday 25th May, 2007.
Bizarre
Filed under Bizarre, entitled Bizarre because this is Bizarre in my estimation.
May 20, 2007
A Ghost Plane?
N-Number Inquiry Results  |
Couldn’t resist the opportunity to see just who owns this aircraft. Oh, by the way, it’s the one which flew David Hicks home from the Cuban hell-hole he’s been held in for the past 5 years.
June 24, 2007
Bash Your Bible To Yourself
When we hear about knee-jerk reactions to particular problems, this one has to be right up there with the jerkiest.
July 1, 2007
Curtains, Cows and Grumpy Housewives
It’s curious that we might get a referendum on this, but people don’t get a say on whether or not they want their local government authority amalgamated with other ones.
Andrew Bartlett draws attention to the re-born Daylight Saving issue in Queensland.
You're Kidding, Right???
Noticeable on this morning’s Insiders was a clearly expressed opinion from Malcolm Farr and Glenn Milne that Howard’s Northern Territory intervention into aboriginal communities is not in any way influenced by the 2007 electoral cycle. Indeed, both commentators rubbished the claim from Karen Middleton that the election cycle had anything at all to do with the Howardian actions.
July 4, 2007
Strange Police Box Fellows
I realise this snippet of news will be treated by some as "suitable only for particularly credulous, uncritical pubescent boy computer gamers" but seeing as there are a legion of fans for the BBC sixties sci-fi hero re-born, I thought I’d post it regardless.
July 14, 2007
Lost in the Desert
"We can expect that part of the debate to get rather heated over the rest of the day, and well into the weekend and this will inevitably distract a lot of people from the poll results themselves..." Gummo Trotsky
It’s a silly name, but some might say the same about ’Bannerman’. To each their own. What is truly silly, and gives an appearance of getting sillier because it makes good blog-fodder, is some supposed ’stoush’ between a mainstream media conglomerate with a decidedly conservative and pro-government bent, and some bloggers in the Ozsphere intent on calling out said conservative conglomerate because said conglomerate dared call a non-conservative(?), non-government leaning(?) blogger names.
Seriously folks.... bloggers, non-blogging readers and just general internet high-tide mark surfers....who gives a shit what Dennis Shanahan or whatsisface Sheridan think about any particular issue. If you think they’re wrong, then say so, but don’t go getting all antsy when they use the power of the media, which they have instant access to, for their own benefit simply because you don’t think that’s fair play. Wake up, Ozsphere! Blogging, much like MSM, means you’re exposed in the desert of apathy to the elements of discontent. Free expression and any sense of fair play you perceive are simply mirages on the horizon of your expectations.
July 19, 2007
Piers Has No Peer
It’s day four of my lurgi (lurgy? lurgie?) laden lapse into a languid, lollygagging lifestyle littered* with tissues, Nurofen and un-pronounceable antibiotics. Apart from continuing to answer the mobile as if the world carries on regardless of my state of health (because it does!), despite my barely being able to make myself understood to callers, nothing much changes when you’re a finance broker except the place from which you normally broke.
July 28, 2007
What Will They Think of Next
I dunno about the terminology ’cutting edge’ being the right way to describe this mix of technologies. I dare say it will put a whole new meaning on woman telling a man that she loves the sound of his voice.
The Simpsons Movie
Yes, I went to see the Simpsons this arvo, with two of my now very grown-up kids. How was it? Well, seriously, how do you expect it was? As Homer himself said right at the very beginning.... "Why would you want to pay to watch something you can see on TV for free?" I suppose the answer to that has to be.... in the expectation that you’ll see something other than what you can see on TV for free. Actually, this snippet from an IMDB review basically says most of it for me.
"Gone are the days of subtle satire and spot on spoofing of pop culture and we are left with crude jokes, sledge hammer political commentary and a very silly story."
Very silly story it was, but then....aren’t they all? There were still some of the clever satirical moments but you had to be quick to spot them. A quick take of an Itchy and Hillary joint Presidential ticket for 2008, for example. Big Arnie as President, saying he was paid to lead not read. Several good jibes at the current US administration and somewhat of a poignant statement of someone’s perception of father-son relationships in American society. But you did have to be awake to these gems, and other, scattered throughout the flick.
There were some funny bits, but the general humour of The Simpsons just wasn’t there. Homer was flat, Bart was too nice, and more than a little sad. Lisa didn’t really feature, Marge seemed to be off on a slant of her own, Maggie was much more expansive than normal. Monty Burns & Smithers........in fact, just about every other character, had either cameos or didn’t appear at all. I think Barney belched once, Moe made a weak 30 second appearance and Chief Wiggum’s part seemed all but out of place.
The real power of The Simpsons, if it can be said to have a societal power, lies in it’s compact 30 minute television presentation. All that needs to be said or seen on any given subject can be heard and watched in that 30 minutes without the impact being lost in a haze of silliness. Unfortunately, for me at least, the 87 minutes I endured today was 57 too many. Out of 10.....I’ll give it a 4.
July 29, 2007
Titties Rule!
IN Washington, where professional women’s style statements are pointedly conservative, Hillary Clinton’s cleavage has suddenly burst into one of the hottest topics of the Democratic presidential race.
Once more we are treated to the perversity and vagary of the American political scene.
July 30, 2007
Rooly Sick
To quote Nino Culotta, they're a weird mob those Yanks.
July 31, 2007
What He Really Meant Was...
The internet chatroom conversation between the Gold Coast doctor and his brother in India showed he had an awareness of the terrorist plot, Immigration Minister Kevin Andrews said today.
.....NEWS.com.au